It’s raining in the valley today and I’m having a “connectivity problem” on the internet.

Our early morning fog has lingered, transforming the landscape into a misty canvas for the rain-soaked trees visible in the foreground. The view reflects the landscape of my heart:

“Save me, God, for the water has risen to my neck. I have sunk in deep mud and there is no footing. I have come into deep waters, and a flood sweeps over me…….” (Psalm 69 HCSB)

There’s a connectivity problem threatening my soul today. I feel mired in “deep mud” and the heart is humbled. Treading this inevitable path from my mountaintop weekend into the valley to do real life with real people, I have an urge to disconnect, to protect, to shield this sodden heart.

“I have come into deep waters, and a flood sweeps over me….”

My flesh desires only to connect with what is safe, with what I can see and know is trustworthy. I want to sit in my Father’s lap today and lick imaginary wounds, letting the past and the future fade into fog.

Sound is muffled by fog. Just as images on our landscape lose definition when the air is heavy with moisture, words, syllables casually thrown into the air, so crisp with portent in the moment, are heavy-laden in the remembering.

I am driven into self-reproach, self-protection, self-pity, selfishness….SELF….in my state of disconnection. As I follow David’s lament, I hear him utter this:

“Lord, do not let those who put their hope in You be disgraced because of me.” Psalm 69:6

On the mountaintop a day ago, I heard words that challenged and corrected my thinking about how God wants to use this gift of words:

“For the writer, the whole world can be reduced to The Word.”

“the most real thing in the world.”

“God will hold you accountable.”

“writing is a huge responsibility.”

“we must be careful to be precise with our words.”

And this…..

“Nobody should be better with words than Christians.”

What a challenge we have accepted if we are writing under the banner “Christian” as we toss words into the air. Even as a follower of Christ — broken, sinful, flawed as I am — how can I begin to believe that words from one such as me will reveal the healing power of His Word? Will instruct and encourage those who “put their hope” in God?

And how do I react when others mock my words, misunderstand my heart?

Withdraw? Disconnect?

Only through prayer and submission to God can I have any assurance that by my pen, God will be edified and people will know Him, and that I can fade into the fog.

The rain has stopped. My “connectivity problem” has been solved, and I reach for promises to restore connectivity to my soul.

“I will praise God’s name with song and exalt Him with thanksgiving. The humble will see it and rejoice. You who seek God, take heart! For the Lord listens to the needy and does not despise His own who are prisoners. Let heaven and earth praise Him, the seas and everything that moves in them.” Psalm 69: 30,32-34

 

I am on Day 13 in Writing for 31 Days following a Sabbath break while processing the wealth of encouragement and information I received at The Breathe Christian Writers’ Conference.  Click on the button at left to read other blogs under the inspiration and faith tab.